100 Things Germany Is Not Allowed To Do
by Legare Virtuoso
Summary: Otherwise known as '100 Things Germany Is Not Allowed To Do At World Conferences'.


A/N- So, a friend of mine told me about this particular meme, and told me there wasn't one for my home country. Clearly, this did not sit well with me. Originally, I was going to make her post this so I wouldn't be stoned by my countrymen. But then I realized this is the internet and it's all in good fun.

Sad fact- this is all based off of actual crap the German government or people has tried to pull off at some point in its history. Hetalia has pretty much nothing to do with this.

**100 Things Germany Is Not Allowed To Do At World Conferences**

1. Oktoberfest is only in your home country, not everywhere else.

2. A world conference in your country is still not in your country.

3. Oktoberfest is in October, and you are not allowed to bring the keg.

4. All documentation is to be in English, not German.

5. You are not allowed to provide translations.

6. Especially when America is involved.

7. You are not allowed to ask for your army back.

8. Even if you get the Group of Eight drunk form Oktoberfest.

9. Especially when America and England are involved.

10. Even if you have evidentiary support, the answer is no.

11. You are not allowed to scare Poland into voting your way.

12. Even if it works and Russia approves.

13. In fact, don't do anything if Russia approves of it first.

14. You are not allowed to ask Russia for reparations. You lost the war.

15. You are not allowed to tell Israel that the Holocaust was a lie.

16. Especially if you called them 'dirty Jews' first.

17. You are not allowed to point out that highways were really Hitler's idea.

18. You are not allowed to ask South American nations how your countrymen are.

19. Even if you know exactly where they are.

20. You are not allowed to mock America's inability to speak German.

21. Even if they've just called themselves doughnuts.

22. 'Invade Siberia' is not an accepted back-up plan.

23. No matter how many countries agree.

24. You are not allowed to use S&M to persuade other nations to your side.

25. Especially if it's France.

26. 'In my country…' is not an excuse for social failure.

27. You are not allowed to withhold tourism in order to cripple a country that ignores you.

28. Even if it's Italy.

29. 'Heidi Klum is from my country' is not an acceptable insult towards America.

30. Even if it makes America cry.

31. You are not allowed to threaten other countries with your native cannibal population.

32. Even if you know they'd die of starvation in France.

33. Inviting other countries to the Bierstube is a bad idea.

34. It didn't even work for Hitler.

35. You are not allowed to speak German during conferences.

36. It makes every other country think you're declaring war.

37. Chances are, you actually are.

38. You are not allowed to declare war without an army.

39. You are never going to be allowed an army ever again.

40. You are not allowed to beat other countries with rolled up newspaper.

41. Even if it works and Japan approves.

42. You are not allowed to hold private conferences with Japan and/or Italy.

43. Especially if France, Poland, or China are the main topic of discussion.

44. You are not allowed to point out that all English royalty are actually German.

45. It is not a valid concluding argument.

46. You are not allowed to provide evidentiary support to prove the world is and always will be yours.

47. Or to prove that all western culture is German.

48. Even if it's all true.

49. You are not allowed to ask for copyright payments on nuclear technology.

50. Or on rocket technology.

51. Even if we all know it's actually yours.

52. You are not allowed to threaten to tell other countries' mothers on them.

53. You are not allowed to claim momentary 'American' when you do it wrong.

54. You are not allowed to attempt to form an engineering conclave in Japan.

55. Lederhosen are only acceptable in parts of your home country, not in the conference room.

56. You are not allowed to show any film without checking if it is porn first.

57. If it is porn, it isn't even acceptable in your own country's government.

58. Even if you brought it for evidentiary support.

59. You are not allowed to barricade the doors before a vote.

60. Even if Switzerland provides the manpower.

61. You are not allowed to tell America that the end result will make him a hero.

62. Especially if you know it doesn't.

63. Sealand is not a country. It is a manmade sea fort.

64. You are not allowed to say otherwise.

65. You are not allowed to force other nations into healthcare.

66. Even if most of the world agrees.

67. Shunning America until it does it is not good diplomacy.

68. You are not allowed to refer to black people as 'America's secret weapon'.

69. You are not allowed to make prostitution a legal occupation.

70. Even if that is the only job some of your citizens can have.

71. You are not allowed to nail edicts to the conference doors.

72. You are not allowed to form a religion around said edicts.

73. You are not allowed to gather allies for a new Reich.

74. Especially if they were in the last one.

75. Even if their Asian efficiency matches yours.

76. You are not allowed to call a diplomatic brawl 'cultural exchanging'.

77. You are not allowed to teach other nations proper penal procedure.

78. Especially if your solution to overcrowding is to take them behind the chemical shed.

79. You are not allowed to base diplomacy on your football wins.

80. You are not allowed to confuse America by calling soccer 'football'.

81. Even if the rest of the world agrees.

82. You are not allowed to admit the existence of spaetzle.

83. You are not allowed to threaten invasion of another country in order to jumpstart your economy.

84. You are not allowed to train other nations' armies instead of paying your bills.

85. You are not allowed to 'lose' diplomats in the Black Forest.

86. You are not allowed to remind the world that the Nazi Party is still technically in your government.

87. Even if Israel starts getting uppity.

88. You are not allowed to share fairy tales for cultural exchanges.

89. Even if it's fun to make America hide behind Disney.

90. You are not allowed to stand behind other armies to force them to work.

91. You are not allowed to claim copyright infringement on your uniforms.

92. You are not allowed to invoke your ancestral gods to win a cultural war.

93. It doesn't matter that they're all days of the week.

94. You are not allowed to take over Austria to purge the world of Freud.

95. You are not allowed to sell other countries' souls to the devil for unending knowledge.

96. You are not allowed to turn a national tragedy that was your fault into a marketing campaign.

97. Even if it works and you can bring it up at every meeting.

98. You are not allowed to bolster another economy by trading porn tips.

99. You are not allowed to use the words 'Heil' or 'Hitler' within ten words of each other.

100. Even if it's fun to make America freak out.

101. I hereby swear to abide by these rules as they are written, with great-

102. Screw you. I'll see you in World War III.

Im Namen des Deutschland,

Ludwig


End file.
